An open letter to the recession

Dear Recession,

What gives? I'm nice. My friends are nice. Why you got to pick on us like this? I was under the impression my mid (ok, getting into late) twenties were a time for frolicking and stupid jobs. For switching these stupid jobs willy-nilly while we find our 'true selves' or maybe just give up or something. Instead you're forcing us to stay in horrible jobs, to take pay cuts at dumb ones, and to fight our way into positions we don't even want in the first place. My friend applied for a part-time gig at a coffee shop the other day- there were close to 500 other applicants. Really? Come on, Recession, that's just not cool.

I thought I had finally reached a point in my life where I could afford to drink Stella, that PBR was just for when I wanted to be ironic or whimsical. 'Look at me! Aren't I funny with my cheap beer! Ha ha ha!' Ha? No one's laughing anymore, Recession. I have cans (CANS!?) of PBR in my fridge now. You put them there.

And that impulse Kraft macaroni & cheese 18 pack from Costco? It sat idle in my cupboards for close to six months. Guess what? Yeah, it's almost gone now. You're making me eat processed cheese powder?! You are one sick bastard.

So really, if you could, could you just leave us alone for a bit? I mean, me and my friends, we were already hovering right above the poverty line, putting our toes in the water a little bit, you really don't need to push us in.

Yours truly,
Mary-Claire Runchey


bottled_milk said...

it is with the utmost solidarity and bittersweet faith that everything will be okay for all of us that i slowly lift my can of cheap beer, which i always kind of liked anyways, and raise my voice in a raucous and unmistakable, "here, here!"

Deirdre said...

Well said, M-C! You should email my mom. Her daily life, with or without that rat bastard Recession, is full of money-saving tips. Maybe she could send you some hotel soaps? Or perhaps you could start brewing your coffee grounds more than once?